The time with the horse gave the spirit of the horse back to her again. She had lost her connection with that world. She said, "It helped me remember something that I had sort of laid to sleep for awhile in my own personal pain...today I am well and whole again."
There was a time some years ago when I lived in a lot of emotional pain. It went on for several years. In those years, I sadly lost my passion for my horses. They became a blur. They had no importance. I lost all interest in riding them or handling them. It was like a death. They were connected to the losses I was going through and somehow to deal with that, I lost them too. For a number of years I did not ride. From riding several times every week to not riding at all became my pattern. I had little interest in even seeing them and would go for weeks or months without doing so. They became more of a burden than a pleasure. Fortunately for me they were in a safe place with true friends watching over them. They were being taken care of, just not ridden. They of course probably suffered little because of that. It was just me who was broken. That's the best way I can describe it...broken. From the person I use to be to the person I had become, I was broken. The sad part was, I new it. I new I was broken hearted and in the past my horses had helped me heal from those kinds of things. But this time, that just wasn't working. There were so many connections of them and to the other life, that to be with them just brought on a flood of heartache. I moved to another town during that time and after several months I went back and got my horses to bring them to my new home. They were not as happy here as it was smaller and they were no longer free in a pasture to run and graze. Their area was much smaller and confined. But they survived. They were fed by my family while I still continued to deal with my issues. As I began to heal in my head, my heart began to heal as well. My mind started letting go of that connection to the past and allowing me to move forward. I remember the day like it was yesterday (when it was actually about this time of year 3 years ago) that I decided I was going to make some changes in my life and riding my horses again was one of those. It was a Friday. I haltered both horses, who at this point had not been ridden in over 2 years. I quietly saddled one, longed him a few minutes on the ground and then climbed into the saddle. I didn't ride too far but I remember how happy I was at what I was doing. I remember thinking hopefully this is my turning point. Hopefully I am on my road to total recovery. I unsaddled him and saddled the other one. He too was quiet and easy and gave me no trouble. I trotted and loped a few circles. It was truly a miracle. I had successfully ridden them both with no incident. I remember feeling so peaceful and happy and blessed. It was several weeks before I actually rode again but the more I was just around them, the more in their miraculous way, they healed me. From that point on, I have been riding ever since, as often as I can. The quote above is from a book I read about the same time all this was going on. It was of course about a woman and her horse. It was about how she had gone through a similar ordeal and how she had overcome her adversity. Horses just have that way about them. They have a way to connect that unless you are a woman and unless you just have that ability to connect, you'll never get it. You truly will never get it. It's an indescribable feeling. It's about unconditional love. It's about absence of judgment. It's about acceptance and safety. It's about belonging to each other with total commitment. It's about a precious bond. I don't think that connection can be between a man and a horse. It must be between a horse and a woman. I can't explain it. I know however, without it, without them, my horses, I was not whole. Part of me was missing. When I finally found that part, my spirit soared and my soul rested. Once again we were one.
Encourage One Another
Encourage One Another